How to stay safe from Sonam Kapoor? Read to find out.

Sonam Kapoor got married recently and it’s all good for her. I am always happy when rich people get married, because they are not spending my money. I think a lot of us should go out of our way and declare this as national wedding, at least of this century. Who gives a shit about the Royal wedding, when we have the hairy Kapoor affair?

Last few days have been amazing. All problems in India have vanished. Sonam Kapoor quickly moved on from demanding justice for Asifa to gathering wishes for her wedding. For someone who has not followed this wedding, I still feel like I was deeply involved. My mother almost cried looking at Sonam’s bidai pictures. Frankly even I am a bit upset, but the media for some reason is not giving me a chance to miss her at all. No way!!!

This morning as I was sipping my chai (tea), some news channel showed Sonam Kapoor wearing a Vera Wang couture gown for her second red-carpet appearance at Cannes 2018. For ignorant souls like me with zero fashion sense, Vera Wang is a famous American fashion designer. She must be good, because she is American. According to News 18, the dress Sonam was wearing was a nude-hued gown and had a corset that flows into a big tulle skirt.  They also say that the gown had a sunshine-yellow train and that was a surprise.

Being a complete stranger to this fashion world, I had no idea of what a tulle is. Wikepedia tells me that it’s a really expensive ‘macchar dani’  i.e. a mosquito net. A wise choice I must say, as there were too many mosquitoes last time I went to Cannes. That said, because she was recently married, as a self-proclaimed elder brother, I really wanted to miss Sonam Kapoor. So after my chai, I went to the pooping station, with my Indian Express newspaper (because I want to read news that matter) and there she was again with her Vera Wang gown and the tulle, but this time in print on Indian Express. All my hopes of a decent bowel moment went down the drain. A little grumpy, I decided to move on with my day. Before getting into my car and travelling from one chaotic world to another miserable one that I call my workplace, I made my usual pitstop on twitter and there she was again.

The same Indian Express article, but this time on Twitter. I had seen Sonam Kapoor on TV, in Print and online within a couple of hours. Is this normal or is she the almighty. I don’t know if I am following her or she is stalking me through her articles, news etc. That said, my affection for her as an elder brother started to die. I know she didn’t invite me for her wedding, but media made sure that I was a part of it. She didn’t give me any gifts, but didn’t take any from me either.  I reached office and as I was painfully waiting for the elevator, I decided to log on to twitter again. I clicked on a Marathi news article about the sad demise of Jivya Soma Mashe, who popularized the Warli tribal art form. There she was again with her broad smile inviting me to click another article of her wedding or Cannes or whatever it was. At this point of time, I decided to end all relations with her and started thinking who exactly is Sonam Kapoor?

Who exactly is Sonam Kapoor?

All of us have seen Sonam Kapoor in movies. While I agree that her presence on screen is not as annoying as her uncle Sanjay Kapoor, her lack of acting skills more than makes up for that. The way she says ‘because you are worth it’ in the Loreal ads, I am sure, she is an AI BOT created by Elon Musk. Even though we know her as Anil Kapoor’s daughter, I think it’s a story made up to hide this secret. Sonam is a revolution in the AI world as she is the first successful Humanoid Robot (way before Sophia).

Now that she is married, to another Humanoid Robot, who wears sneakers with sherwani – traditional Indian dress designed to make the groom uncomfortable, they will soon me multiplying and making humanoid robo-babies. These babies will grow up to write articles for Storypick, Scoop Whoop, Buzz Feed and may be even New York times and eventually take over the world as propaganda drivers.

How to protect yourself from Sonam Kapoor?

Sonam Kapoor articles at this stage can be more harmful than sun’s UV rays. Sonam Kapoor is definitely more than what meets the eye and it is extremely important to protect yourself from her. Even though some secret scientists have been trying to find a sure shot mechanism, but his is all they could come up with as the entire machinery is working against us. Still here are few things that you can do to protect yourself.

1.       Stay away from StoryPick. It is said that Sonam disguises herself as a StoryPick writer and keeps writing online articles. Being a bot, she can write 200 articles a day. As they are for listicle websites, grammar and spell check really doesn’t matter.

2.       Avoid mainstream new sources. Trust me, she is everywhere. You may read the front page and sports page, but avoid any supplements.

3.       Stay hydrated and do not lose more weight than necessary. Eat a lot, stay hydrated (have ORS solution if needed), but under no circumstances lose any weight at all. The thinner you, higher are the chances of you falling prey to Sonam’s surrogate websites that inspire weight loss.

4.       Last but not the least, watch Doordarshan, because they really don’t give a shit about her. That’s the only safe space we have in these troubled times.

Stay safe, stay Sonam free, “Because you are worth it”!!!

Padmaavat, Bhansali and ‘Freedom’ of Bollywood

Padmaavat shouldn’t have been released. I always thought so, but not for the reasons the controversy is going on. Have a look at my stand-up video to find out why!!!

 

 

The day we finally meet aliens!!!

So, we are always excited about the Extra Terrestrial, right? Since childhood we have been going around thinking, what if life exists on planet other than ours. If yes, how will that be? Obviously we are just at the beginning of the technological advances needed for successful exploration. I mean the distances we need to travel are huge and all this effort based on mere guesswork will be nothing more than a waste of time, money and whatever little life we have. Still, we have come far away from Aristotle’s earth being the center of the universe theory. Copernicus debunked that, but we still haven’t been able to figure out the correct spelling of center. We would leave that up to the British and Americans, because both claim to be the guardians of the world, who can solve all the problems. Some may say that space exploration is cow dung as earth has its own set of problems and we should take care of them, before we mess up the outer space, but these problems and our inability to solve them can be a major reason for our obsession with space exploration.

Last month when comet Oumuamua passed earth, obviously, the level of intrigue was damn high. Now scientists are claiming, it could have been a giant space ship. If it is still considered a decent thing to trust websites like Daily Mail, one scientist has said that may be this cigar shaped comet is an alien ship with broken engines stumbling through our solar system.

Oumuamua (artist impression)  Photograph: ESO/M Kornmesser/PA

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-5175235/Oumuamua-alien-probe-BROKEN-engines.html#i-b1818f0f673369c6

Some have debunked this by claiming that to be a rebellious alien pilot’s drunken voyage. This said, the question of space travel and us earthling’s obsession is self-centered. We always think that either we are looking for aliens or they are looking for us. What if the aliens are simply travelling and we are scaring them off with our signals? Imagine yourself driving on a highway or freeway, late in the night (in space travel it might not matter if it’s day or night), but in real life, night time driving is far more exciting. Especially when you are alone and there is no sign of civilization things can get a little creepy if not scary. On such a creepy road, if some strange creatures, the kind you have never seen before start frantically waving at you, would you stop? Half of us get scared when dogs chase us, leave alone humans. So should we deploy ships like dogs to chase alien space ships running around? Why should we waste time looking for others when we can just declare that everything belongs to us?

One major question that keeps bothering me is, what we intend to accomplish by communicating with aliens is still unclear? Apart from the most obvious language barrier, we would not know how to relate with them? So when we meet any of the brothers from another mother or galaxy, what are we going to discuss? What is our readiness? Do we have a questionnaire ready? Or do we start with the usual “Hey??? ASL???”. After first 5 minutes, we will be pretty much staring at the ceiling. The only way this can happen is if we meet the aliens at a restaurant that serves alcohol. It’s only then we can probably get into meaningful conversations and understand the cultures better. All this without any butt probes or cavity search.

So, next time the scientists spot a cigar shaped comet, which they confuse with an alien ship, it’s time to put up those Free Alcohol neon signs and clean your beer or whiskey glasses. They might be coming for us. If that is the case, then let’s face them better drunk than sober.

Why wishing someone is a bullshit tradition?

Every time you meet someone, you are expected to wish someone, or say something that acknowledges their existence. Like you meet someone in the morning, you have to say good morning. I do not understand the logic behind this. There is no reason whatsoever for this madness. We all know it’s a morning. If you want to talk to a person, be creative, say something different. Tell people something they don’t know already. If you don’t want to talk to that idiot, do not do that.

We see a dog, we start doing dog gestures, when we meet humans, we start doing human gestures. This is total bullshit.

Some may call these basic manners, but basic manners don’t mean anything if the other person is not worthy of those manners. We should first talk to people and then figure out whether they are worthy of those good mornings or not and then wish good morning. By saying this to anyone and everyone, we are reducing the significance of a good morning or good evening or anything. I love people who come straight to the point. They don’t talk much, don’t cry much, just transactional humans. Perfect. We don’t need people with manners.

Manners mean restrictions and a total lack of emotions. They are a modern form of slavery mechanism used to dictate and control your behavior.

Good morning is still fine. People say good afternoon. Tell me one thing that is good about afternoon. It is hot, sticky, at times slimy and it is the worst time of the day. Only good thing that can happen in afternoon is sleep, but saying good afternoon means, you are not sleeping and hence the afternoon is fucked already.  I go to a restaurant the person has to wish good afternoon. He does not mean it obviously. Why would you want to meet someone in the afternoon? He doesn’t want my goodwill. He wants my money.

That good afternoon is a way of draining my fucking wallet.

My question is, why do we feel the need to greet people? I mean, we greet people and expect that they greet back. If you are going to take the greeting back, then why greet in the first place. What are you trying to communicate here anyway? Nothing!!! It’s just slaves living their life in a funny way submitting to the system. Good morning mister blah blah blah!!! Your package is ready. Fuck off!!! You could have just told me that my package is ready and I would have packaged the shit out of it.

Another annoying thing people say is have a nice day. Why should I? What if I am already having a fucked up day and saying this is like rubbing salt on my already pestering wounds. What do you mean by have a nice day? If you talk to someone on a daily basis, I can still understand, but you talk to some person once in a blue moon, won’t you want him to have a nice life rather than just a day. These greetings have become nothing but meaningless punctuation marks. Why do we need them in the first place? It is this fucked up culture that has turned the Indian Whatsapp into the garbage that it is today. I mean everyone is dumping good mornings, afternoons and what not.

Life is already fucked up and greeting somebody is not going to make it better.

I remember, as a kid, when the teacher used to enter the class, we had to stand up and say “Good Morning Teacher”. Why? Why? Why? Don’t force someone to respect. The bitch is getting paid for her performance. Give her tips if you really like her. World will be such a better place the day we stop greeting each other.

Just imagine, if we start exchanging money instead of greetings and compliments. The world will make so much more sense. Nothing says Thank You better than money!!!

So, stop that stupid chit chat and those fake ass good mornings and please give me some money!!!

2017 – Year of entitled f*#ks!!!

2017 was the year of entitled fucks. The kind of fucks who think the world gives a fuck about their opinion. They believe that world leaders are going to read their Facebook post and feel bad for their actions. Breaking News – you are an idiot. There are regular idiots and then blue tick idiots. We should stop giving people the importance they don’t deserve.

A lot of things have been happening in this world. You know you go into a jungle there is some disturbance, all the monkeys start shouting, that’s pretty much how we behave. We have no idea what the controversy is, we have no knowledge whatsoever, still we think that we know everything and act like we can solve all problems. Any Facebook post that starts with, “In my opinion… blah blah blah”. Well, your opinion doesn’t matter. You are like a retarded donkey, who keeps honking and the kids look at him and keep throwing stones at him. Even donkey has more brains than these entitled fucks, who think their voice is going to change their world.

Most of the times these idiots have their personal life in doldrums. They have no idea where their careers are going, they have a lot of frustration and these Facebook or Tweets are the only way these idiots can remain significant. They cannot solve the most immediate problems and hence keep blabbering here and there. Every time there is a breaking news, these idiots change their sphere of expertise. It can vary, from history to politics to economics etc., but it will still remain insignificant.

I am an insignificant person and I have come to terms with the fact. You are too. Please accept that. No way you can change the world. No one gives a shit about you or the way your pet thinks about ISIS or Hillary or Kim Jong Un or any other person. When I read your insignificant Facebook posts, I feel like you are a beggar begging for attention. Look at me and my balls. How small they are. Rather than making an impact in the real world, I am yelling at the top of my voice on Facebook. Well fuck off!!! Nothing is going to change.

As much as I would want you to shut the fuck up, I would prefer if you die. No one cares about you or your feelings. Your departure will bring happiness and peace. So good bye and fuck off!!!

Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 1, Dragonstone – To Badass Women and Ed Sheeran!!!

Finally, the madness has started again. I watch this show from India, so I have to wake up early and do my business before I start watching, and get ready to go wherever I have to, because Winter is Coming and I need to work.

Winter is here and it is sure as hell sending chills down the spine.

Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 1 – ‘Dragonstone’  starts with Walder Frey addressing a bunch of other asshole Freys and feasting as usual. For a second, I thought it’s still a recap and Arya is going to kill the fucker and feed him the ‘son pie’ again, but two minutes into the speech, we know it is Arya. She is really loving this ‘girl has no name’ game and she is good at it. All that spanking she got after her job at the spa has worked. Like a boss, she poisons the folks and just leaves. A real thug life moment.

Silent Night Walkers!!!

While all this is going on, the Night Walkers are increasing in numbers day by day. They are just one plague away from building the largest army in the world. If they conduct elections in the seven kingdom, the Night King will sure become the president. Thankfully, it is no democracy, and the ruler of the kingdom will be decided the most entertaining way, by making other people fight for them. I know Game of Thrones is fiction and not history, but history stopped being entertaining since we got democracy and this series is far from being that.

Badass Women of GOT!!!

This show is known for some badass women, and this episode kind of focuses on them Arya, Sansa, Brienne of Tarth and most importantly Lyanna Mormont of the Bear Island. What Lyanna did today will give any feminist multiple orgasms. The way she silences the old fellow at Night’s Watch daily post dinner totally pointless convention is just meme worthy moment of the show. She says women will train too, so fuck off. The way Brienne and Sansa smirk at the exact moment when her speech is on, shows the tiny little feminist uprising of the amazing women of Game of Thrones.

Lyanna brushed her teeth!!!

At the same convention, you can witness Sansa’s and Jon’s power struggle, Sansa wants to kill the Umbers and Karstarks, because that’s what you do on the show, kill people. Age or sex doesn’t matter. The only people not killed so far are the Eunuchs (may be one eunuch), who shows no signs of dying or ageing. Jon Snow was pissed when Sansa speaks out of turn and on top of it, she wants to kill people. He also tells her separately, you are going all Cersei right now and you are less than half her age. If you have seen Sansa in season 1, she is one annoying woman, but most annoying women get what they want.

Sansa’s eyes look like those of White Walkers!!!

Why can’t men leave the women alone?

Petyr Baelish and Tormund really need to step up their game. Petyr cannot be trusted, so we really don’t want him to get what he wants from Sansa, but Tormund is a nice guy and is trying to get a girl way out of his league. There is a moment, when Brienne asks Sansa, “What does he want?” and she says, “I know what he wants!!”. Littlefinger the bastard!!!

Cersei and Jamie take Geography lessons!!!

Cersei has fucked up. Burning the sept and people in it, was not necessary and she knows she fucked up. The problem is, she is not willing to accept it. She looks for an ally in Euron Grejoy, who is willing to help her, but he wants to marry her. He has no idea what he is getting into. Seriously what’s with the men on the show. They can get all the girls they want, but they want to do stupid shit for that one women.

Samwell Tarly’s first year of graduation!!!

Samwell Tarly has had a tough life, but he finally reached the library. Unfortunately, his first year of graduation is fucked. He is cleaning shit and cooking food that looks like shit. He is for sure living a shitty life right now, but we all know he is going to be the game changer. I watched that shit cleaning scene while having my breakfast and it was pretty gross. This is what it sounds like …

 

He is not getting access to the Restricted Area and is forced to weigh brains and clean up after post mortem. So he decides to steal. No matter how timid his character is shown to be, he is the one who holds the key to defeating the white walkers, especially after Cersei used up all her Wildfire burning religious people.

 

Hahaha that’s Ed Sheeran and a sexist soldier!!!

Fuck that’s Ed Sheeran!!!

So, Arya plans to take her killing spree to King’s Landing and just stumbles upon a bunch of soldiers eating rabbits and singing songs. Just Game of Thrones things. One of them happens to be Ed Sheeran and you are like hahahaha that’s Ed Sheeran. Fuck that’s actually Ed Sheeran. Arya tells Ed Sheeran and his soldier friends I want to kill the queen and they are like go ahead we don’t give  a shit. One of them is expecting a baby and wants it to be a girl, because girls take care of their fathers and boys go off to fight. In a way Arya is doing both, so she really doesn’t dignify the soldier’s sexist statement with a response.

Sandor Cleagane has a heart!!!

A couple of seasons back, Sandor Cleagane, the hound had robbed an old man and his daughter and taken away their silver. He goes back to the same house. Last time he was there, he had rabbit stew and landed himself a job. He was an asshole then, but this time he looks into the fire, checks out white walkers and has a change of heart. The mistake he commits is, he buries them. Come on, it’s season 7. By this time, you need to start burning the dead, no matter how old they are.

Daenerys has taken back the Dragonstone without saying a word!!!

Khaleesi lands at the Dragonstone. It was pretty easy for her as Stannis abandoned and it was just left there like an orphan. This was still an emotional moment for Dany, who took back the castle for Targaryens. She reaches there and like a true boss asks – “Shall we Begin???”. I hope they don’t follow up with a dance, because that will be weird.

Jorah the Sick!!!

They have not shown his face properly, but the only one so curious about Daenerys Targaryen can be Jorah Mormont, who seemed to be quarantined in the citadel as he is suffering from greyscale disease. Samwell is serving him food and cleaning his poop too. One day when he is taking back, what I assume is his poop, he scares the shit our of already disgusted Sam asking for the Khaleesi.

In conclusion, the women on the show are badass and the men are either friend zoned or stupid, except Ser Davos Seaworth, who pretty much did only this in today’s episode.

Wise men don’t speak much!!!

It was a slow start to the season, but a much needed one as last two episode of previous season were absolute madness. It looks like we are well set for some madness in a much smaller season.

Thou shall not use my meme plate!!!

Memes are supposed to make you laugh. If you follow meme pages, you will realise what kind of freedom of expression is offered by them. In fact if a picture is worth 1000 words, a meme is worth 10000 pictures. What once started as joke has now become a way of life for some. Memes are occasionally used by younger generation to vent out their frustration. It is not only effective, but also offers us a window into the minds of future generation. Memers are excellent communicators and someone who need to be taken seriously. Often Facebook pages are categorised into ‘normies’ and ‘dank’. While normies propagate the popular thinking, dank pages offer a much darker perspective towards the world. The former are much careful in there approach, but the latter are far more honest. For dank pages, nothing is out of bounds and everyone usually takes things in good spirit. They are a wonderful example of a promising future, where people wont get offended as quickly. The purpose of this blog post is to highlight an ongoing meme war between a big Normie Website and one such Dank Page.

Recently a page called Andi Mandi Shandi was zucced (banned), when they used a template used by a major normie website. This website often posts articles that I personally think are written by monkeys. In fact, if monkeys learn writing and gif making, they will write way better articles. To put in bland terms, this website seems nothing more than a clickbait. Over a period of time they have evolved into something big and a means to control people’s thinking. Now the two pages published memes with a similar meme template. Both these memes can be seen here – Meme War.

As you can see both memes are similar, and both pages claim that their content is original. In a utopian world, it should have ended here, but the larger website apparently reported Andi Mandi Shandi for copyright violation and the page got zucced. Prima facie this may look like a small matter, but to understand the problem faced by memers, you need to deep dive in their world. It is extremely difficult to run meme page in today’s world, because many a times the content they post is slightly offensive in nature. Which results in posts getting reported and pages getting zucced, which makes it difficult for them to build a base of regular followers.  So, when something like this happens, it furts them further. Now, as people suggest that offence is not given it is taken. For example some may find this image of our respected Foreign Minister offensive, even if the supporting article might not be in a bad taste. But is this image so offensive that someone reports it to MEA or police and gets this page banned? This is a question, answer to which I will leave it to my readers.

Another fun fact about this large website is that that often content creators have blamed them of using their images without consent and resulting in copyright violation claims. We cannot validate their claims, but most definitely think, if this is the case, they should not have reported a much smaller page unnecessarily to get it zucced. The dank memer community in India is in minority and most definitely angered by this zuccing. In today’s world when President of the United States tweets from Dank Memes, it is most definitely not a wise move to mess with these memers. We all know what happened to CNN and their general perception. You take away something that’s the only thing that matters to someone in the life from them, they are not going to sit quietly. These dank memers are not sitting quietly and they have hit them back with this logo.

Credit: Buzzfeed Community Post

Few years back there was another content creator who had expressed anger on this website’s behaviour with a similar website ScoopPoop.

Sources suggest that dank memers even raided their app and got their rating down to 1.2, but since this was a raid, after some time their rating was restored to original. This has further outraged these memers and they are now planning their next move. Amongst all this madness, we have might lost a beautiful dank page that created content only for fun.

No matter who wins this battle, the dank memers have sure put up a wonderful fight and a lot of internet users are supporting them.

Which side are you on? Do comment in the post below.

 

Dear USA – Elections are just the beginning!!!

Dear United States of America,

By the time you read this, the 2016 Presidential elections must have been over, or you might be on your way to cast your vote or might just be hanging out somewhere not giving a shit about all this.  Many of you might be relieved that the elections are finally over, but it will be foolish to say that everything will go back to normal. With the conclusion of these elections, the game has just begun.Breaking News – The ugly game has just begun with these elections. 

First of all, congratulations on the 2nd most divisive elections of the century. You have now achieved something we accomplished back in 2014. The Hillary v/s Trump battle must have been a shock for you, but for us Indians, it was a wonderful retrospection. Before 2014, we did not know that we could have been so divided. Unity in diversity was our strength, but in 2014 all of our diversity was divided into two parts. Something on the lines of – The Right Wingers and The Liberals. These divisions have always been there in your society, but this time it is more like, “If you are not with me, screw you, your mum and your chef” divided. These two sections of the society claim that they unconditionally love the nation as long as you believe in ‘their idea of the nation’. I have been unfriended by my so called liberal friends because, in 2014, I supported the political party with a more right wing inclination. I never wanted to silence the voices of my pro-left friends, because unless we hear opposing voices, we cannot correct ourselves and also they are way cooler than my right wing friends to hang out with. Now I get a feeling that our society has been deeply fractured and the damage is irreparable. I see something similar happening in the USA and no matter who comes to power unless you get a hold of yourself or to put in a language you would understand, “Unless you get your shit together” matters are just going to get worse. 

My Indian friends often ridicule fellow Indians who are interested in the US elections, but then we have every right to do so. The USA for a long time has been acting like that plumber, in a porn movie, who claims to help you, but instead screws you wife and leaves. It is USA’s increasing interference in other nations that makes us feel interested in your elections. Even though we had our own election two years back and it was tiring one, still watching you guys have a go at each other is a wonderful reminder of the old days. 

Why are the two elections similar?

In 2014, we had an incumbent ruling party i.e. Indian National Congress (INC) that was corrupt, inefficient and to some extent totally useless. The traditional right-wing party, “Bharatiya Janata Party” has had its series of brief love affairs with the Indian people, but a lack of strong leadership usually kept them away from the centre. In 2014, they found really strong and decisive leader in Narendra Modi, who was viewed  by Indians as a ‘Messiah’ to end the domination of corrupt INC. The BJP supporters took their support to social media platforms, which initially was met with no opposition, as people seriously had no time to give a shit about politics earlier. Soon this support turned almost into an uprising, and opposing voices realised that they need to do something. They revived the old rhetoric of ‘2002 Gujarat Riots’ and started holding the then Chief Minister of Gujarat directly responsible for the riots and killing of thousands of Muslims. In the meanwhile, the right started bashing Congress and anyone supporting them with charges of corruption. Both sides were shamelessly going at each other. So the fight that started as someone v/s the corrupt incumbent government, changed to ‘Corrupt and Useless Incumbent’ v/s ‘Rise of the Right Wing Bigot’. Rings a bell???

Obama administration might not be as bad as the Indian National Congress because no one can be as bad as Indian National Congress. Still, there are serious charges against Hillary Clinton, who is in a way representing the incumbent administration. Their foreign policies have got the world into a sort of a mini shit storm. People in the US are not happy with the quality of jobs, even these jobs are being taken away by immigrants, so there is some anger which was leveraged by Donald Trump to build a strong case against the government. His comments against Muslims and Mexicans created an image of a bigot but seen by his supporters as someone who is truly patriotic. He has successfully revived the feelings of nationalism amongst his supporters. Hillary’s pro-immigration stand just acted like fuel to this fire. The Pro-Hindu message by Modi government was literally copied by Donald Trump. 

The Mischevious Role of Media:

Media is said to be a reflection of the society, but in 2014, this mirror was broken for us and everyone saw their own version of the reflection. Media channels had taken sides.

They have adjusted the amplifiers and filters as per their inclination. Normally it’s the government that does the brainwashing, but during Indian elections, every political outfit was doing it. Brainwashing by media was had turned the common man into brain bashers. Social media in the times of this political chaos acts like the rat that deserts the sinking ship. You know the shit has hit the fan when memes turn political. Before 2014, I logged in to Facebook because it was a fun place to hang out, so was twitter. After 2014 elections, I moved to the sites in the US, because Indian websites and social media pages had all turned political. American pages were doing just fine until Hillary bought them off (at least the pages I follow). Websites like Mashable, Uproxx and even individuals like George Takei started showing a political bias, which left me clueless, ‘where to next’. Thank god for Xvideos, which is still not political and should continue to remain so. 

Things just get worse from here!!! 

By the time you read this, you might have already known who the President is, but this is just the beginning. It does not get over with the elections. It gets scarier and deadlier. The losing side starts taking it personally and goes into a rage. The rational criticism of the government turns into blind criticism. This is countered by blind support and faith in the government. This makes a perfect recipe for disaster. The chain of events can lead to the kind of explosion which won’t hurt physically but is mentally taxing and injurious to the society. 

I have never seen a society more vocal, more associating themselves with the politicians. Earlier, I thought the politicians divided us, but in 2014 it was pretty clear that they were just highlighting or exposing the differences amongst us and we took care of the rest. People I have liked, I have been close friends with started looking at me as a monster, I started hating them too, but this idea of listening to the opposing voices is deeply programmed in my DNA, thanks to the ass whooping given by my teachers in the school, that’s why I did not block them or unfriend them. Unfortunately, they have. I see the Americans going down a similar road. You cannot recover soon unless you make efforts to do so. With this blog, I want to request my Indian and American friends to get together and restore some sanity in the society. Let us show the governments and anyone else, that they cannot divide us any further. Let us show them that people with opposing views can exist. Let us pick the best and progress rather that saying that I am the best and that’s the only way we can progress. 

Let’s love, let’s talk, let’s listen and most importantly let’s think!!! 

GOT Season 6 Episode 9 – Battle of the Bastards, is Danny a Dyke? and Hounds of Winterfell!!!

Warning: Spoilers ahead. You have been warned. Don’t cry later.

The episode started with Masters destroying the shit out of Meereen and Danny’s WTF look. She was like, “you had one job Tyrion!!!”. This was the first time we got to see Tyrion going on the defensive, after of course Shae’s death. Danny was almost on the verge of firing Tyrion, but then she would be like Donald Trump, which she most definitely did not want. She has blonde hair, but here she is the outsider and not the one who claims to protect the kingdom against the outsiders.

In fact, she is the one who leads hordes of Dothraki into Meereen. Her pyromania is getting out of control too. She wants to burn the masters (and almost everything), but Tyrion stops her from doing that. The surrender negotiations clearly show who is the boss and how she and Tyrion make an awesome team. Danny set it up and Tyrion finished it off. The big question is what is Lord Varys up to now.

Danny the Dyke with an awesome sense of humour???

When Yara Greyjoy comes to meet Danny, I am not too sure how they made it into Meeren, because only an idiot would like to enter the city, when dragons are burning the ships. This is when I noticed that Daenerys might have bisexual traits or could be a closet feminist.

We know that Yara is both Lesbian and Feminist and Danny was responding quite nicely to her passes. If that happens, Westeros may end up getting the first bisexual ruler. This would have been a great boost for the Westeros LGBT community, especially the north, who have not seen a rainbow in ages due to the continuously gloomy weather. The dyke handshake between Danny and Yara was an indicator that things may go both ways for Daenerys if you know what I mean. There are some alternate fan theories, which suggest that Danny and Yara have become best friends, which may lead to further complications because Missandei has no other friends.

It is clear that Tyrion doesn’t like dwarf jokes, despite him being cool about it for most of the series. Tyrion gets great joy in messing with a Greyjoy, especially if that twat has joked about him being a dwarf. That was the time when most of us didn’t like Tyrion much, only because he was a Lannister. Tyrion resists joking about Theon’s cock because it is not there anymore.

Build up to the battle of bastards

We have been waiting for this for a while now, but the hype was most definitely worth it. A lot of us hate Ramsay Bolton, but in this episode, he was at his coolest best. The fact that this was aired on father’s day made it far more interesting because seriously he was missing his father (Roose Bolton’s) smartness and intelligence before and during the battle. People hate Ramsay, but we need to understand that he is just someone who loves to watch the world burn, play games and kill people.

During the pre-battle meeting, he clearly pointed out his intention of not giving a shit about the free folks or Jon Snow and his offer to fight one on one. That was definitely Jon Snow’s ‘Yo Mama’ moment and Ramsay acknowledged that with a classic, ‘He is Good’. There was no good reason for Ramsay to fight this one. He was not the one who took Winterfell from Starks. He took it from Theon. The only real crime he committed was Sansa’s marital rape, all other actions were necessary to remain warden of the north. So while facing his enemy he did not look scared did most of the things right. Unfortunately, he was overconfident and underestimated Sansa.

Jon Snow ignored Sansa’s warning because he rightly thought she was a dumb cunt. She might have saved the day, but from the previews of the season finale, she has got everyone into bigger trouble.

Battle of Bastards

Battle of bastards has left everyone speechless.  If you have seen “The Watchers on the Wall” then you know how can remember how you hated the giants and wildlings. The beauty of Game of Thrones is that it makes you realise hate is temporary.  You develop a love for the characters with time, just like we hated Jaime initially, but started loving him, the moment he became Tyrion’s only friend, our feelings for the Giants have changed with time. Wun Wun, who was the only surviving giant and Jon had him on his side. He was Jon’s cheat card in the battle and the only reason why the Starks could make breach Winterfell.

The battle started with typical Ramsay games, as he released Rickon Stark, and shot arrows in his direction. Rickon could have survived the game had he seen Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto, but his fate was sealed the moment Sansa said that he is going to die.

 

Jon Messed up!!!

This was Jon Snow’s Bollywood moment. He realised that Rickon is dead and he just went for the Bolton army. A dick move in my opinion. He neither Daenerys nor Sunny Deol from Gadar.

Thankfully the free folks charged for it and Jon Snow did know nothing. He was absolutely clueless, more clueless than Sansa in Season 1. One thing I failed to understand was that the Free Folks had moved to a comparatively less cold region and still they were wearing the same clothes. Beyond the wall, it is pretty cold, in Winterfell too, but he fur jackets was a bit too much. This is just stereotyping the wildlings. Going by the type of temperatures they can withstand, I think they could have easily fought in their undergarments, but let’s leave that visual for another day.

Even the biggest Jon Snow fan can easily tell you that he had messed up by being emotional and lacked battle tactics. He just went for it and got caught in the trap. Ramsay was the clear winner here and had Jon Snow where he wanted. While discussing the battle plans, Jon said they couldn’t attack them from both the sides, to which Tormund gave WTF are you talking about look and that’s exactly what happened. Only Ramsay could use a pile of dead bodies as a wall to trap his enemy. Jon was absolutely in no control of his troops. This was not the same calm and composed Jon Snow we witnessed in the battle against the wildlings. His death in a stampede would have been a tragedy, but that’s the moment, we realised that the day belonged to Sansa. As the Knights of the Vale charged, Ramsay was caught by surprise. He was not there fighting, which was most definitely his undoing. A battle well fought by Ramsay ended in defeat for him. That Sansa marital rape came back to bite him in the ass.

Hounds of Winterfell

After watching the episode, I think Hounds of Winterfell would have been an appropriate title for the episode. Ramsay shot an arrow through Wun Wun’s eye. Jon wanted to punch Ramsay to death, but Sansa wanted to feed him to the hounds. A bit dramatic, but something we all wished and craved for. After Ramsay’s death things may change for good, but we all know that something twisted is coming up. Knights of the Vale are involved now, giving Petr Baelish full charge of things in Winterfell. The audience has learnt this long back that trusting him can be their biggest mistake.

This is undoubtedly the best episode of the series. The kind of episode that wants you to go binge watch the previous 6 seasons. Sadly, it’s one more to go and a year long wait!!! 😥

I leave you with this extended footage of Jon punching  Ramsay.

Why are we treating Sachin Tendulkar and Lata Mangeshkar as untouchables?

If Sachin Tendulkar is the world’s best cricketer and Lata Mangeshkar the best playback singer in India, then why are we treating them like untouchables? Untouchability was abolished long back then why do we still separate some people from the masses and don’t allow others to joke about them?

The fact is we in Indian society have designed a way everyone is supposed to live their lives. Any variance will be dealt with strictly and we will go after you. The problem is, you won’t realize the danger unless this rule is applied against you.

To get a context of what I am saying, you need to first look at the below clip by AIB’s Tanmay Bhat.

 

A lot of people are upset about Tanmay’s video saying that he cannot disrespect Sachin or he should not talk about Lataji’s death. The harsh reality is that everyone dies. God forbid if that day ever comes for these two legends, I have no idea how I will react, but I know one thing for sure, on that day, death won’t discriminate. If death does not discriminate between the successful or unsuccessful, the rich and poor, why should comedy?

Tanmay Bhat is a comedian and you might not like his style of comedy. It is your right to do so, but blowing things out of proportion is unnecessary. People say that insulting these legends is not comedy. I say what’s funny is not insulting. In a world of your word v/s mine, there are no winners. If you find it funny, laugh about it, if you don’t, just ignore it. A comedian’s job is tough. He will do anything to make you laugh. Make fun of his parents, wife, siblings, grandfather, political situation, religion, sportsperson etc. In this noisy world, people these days have become so snobbish that is difficult to make them listen to you, leave alone make them laugh. Under such circumstances, by tying a comedian’s hands further, we are muting few voices that are willing to speak up.

I also understand that a political party has filed a case against Tanmay Bhat. This is the same party that has been under fire for making speeches and has had its freedom of speech under threat. In that case they should know the best how it is to be at the receiving end of something so horrible. All of us want to speak and when someone tells us what to speak and what not to speak, it hurts? You are like, “Tu hi bol le bhenchod!!” (You say it brother of a beloved sister).

Above all, the fact is Sachin and Lataji both are not expected to be upset about this. They might be too preoccupied with what they are doing. Knowing Sachin, he might not react to this, but may come out of retirement, score a century and answer him with the bat. On the other hand Lataji doesn’t’ even have to say anything she can just sing about it with that beautiful voice of hers.

What we can do is, just wait and watch as once again, the more important issues have been overshadowed by a simple joke, which was unintentional and above all really funny.

We need to stop treating people like untouchables even if it’s the god himself (or herself) and start treating jokes as jokes.